Questions and Secrets

Dear Teachers

2009-05-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Teachers,
There is more to me then you care to see. You care to see the student,that is slightly annoying, lazy but not dumb, and average socially. Truth be told, you don't see me at all for who I really am. And honestly you don't even care to ask.Maybe I would lie. I would tell you what you want to here. I would repeat the socially appropriate answer and I would continue on with my day,so would you. But there are some of you that I want to stop meand ask me to tell the truth or ask me to tell you about myself; Who I really amWhat makes me the way I am.Maybe it would make the day more bearableI wouldn't have to sit in the parking lot and debate getting out or driving awayI would be able to identify one person in the building that cares about me. I would be able to open up to others knowing that I am supported and have some one to talk with.

Just Like You

2009-02-26T09:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Jared,

There is so much to say to you. How I wish I could say it your face or even send this to you but what’s the point?? Since the moment we started talking you have been arrogant and stubborn. Yet two years ago that’s what I loved about you and as I’m writing this letter tonight it’s what I hate most about you. I don’t ever say hate but now that’s all I can think of when I think of you. It all started because tonight is the night I found out that you were engaged and tonight is the night my world came crashing to a halt. Six months ago when I found out you were dating her I was ok with it because in the back of my mind I was like people break up everyday they could end up breaking up and me and you could be back on track. I even became okay with the thought of us being friends and you having her as your girlfriend and even that was okay. But being engaged is a totally different story it hurts so much. As I was looking at the pictures of you two in such bliss it just hurt so bad because it should of been me. I was there before she was I was the one who called you and texted you everyday while you were in bootcamp. I was the one who sat at home worried waiting for emails or phone calls while you were in Iraq serving our country. I was the one who foolishly believed you when you said you would make me the happiest girl in the world when you came home safe and sound. I was the patient one for the first year of "us" who let you do your own thing yet always come back to me because you were scared. So really I was the one who was the idiot because I believed in you I believed in us. Then the second year came along and it was the year of Iraq and I was the faithful one I was the one who stood by you and counted down the days until you were home. Then you come home and nothing and then I find out you’re with her and I’m supposed to be understanding. I guess tonight is the night I realized that’s it’s officially over between us, what we had is now dead and buried. I wish I could say I wish you the best but that would be lying and I’m not a liar like you.

Ashley

Let's Be Together

2009-02-25T14:03:00.000-08:00

Dear You,
We have been best friends now for almost year. For the past 5 months of this friendship I have to admit I've been in love with you. Head over heels in love with you. You're the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to sleep. We talk almost everyday and it's killing me not to tell you that I love you in the way where I wanna be with you emotionally and physically. But I also think that you feel the same way too and all our mutual friends want us together. They are pulling for us, so why can't we just pull it together and be together?? I'm afraid if I make the first step and you really don't feel the same that I would be ruining our friendship and just having you in my life for the past year has made me a better person and I don't want to lose that. Yet though I think I should get it together and be honest with you because I don't want to lose you to someone else. I cant stand the thought of you holding someone else's hand at the movies like you hold mine or giving someone else those sad eyes when you want me to give in to a crazy plan of yours..So what I'm trying to say is lets be together it could possibly be the BEST thing you and I have ever done.....
I Love you always and forever,
Me

Dear V Brothers:

2009-02-24T05:31:00.000-08:00

SMV,

I am in love with you. I can't not be. I wish you loved me. I hate seeing you with her. And I was going to ask you to make a decision, I was going to make you choose, but then I realized that would be unfair. So I made the decision for you. We can't be friends while you two are going out, you've shown that to me. This hurts me way more than it could ever hurt you. I am doing this because I think she makes you happy. No matter what I say and do I want you to know that I still love you, I just can't take this anymore. Do you remember the time on the phone when you asked me if I would marry you? And I wouldn't answer, and you told me to because you knew what I would say, well what was the point of even asking, if you knew I would say yes? I know that people sometimes change, and you have, she has changed you. You aren't the boy that once convinced me he loved me. I feel like I don't know you anymore. I know you think you know all there is to know about girls and me in particular, but you don't, and I'm not like other girls, I thought you knew me, but you don't. And do you remember the time where you asked if I went for "bad boys" and I didn't know. And you tried to convince me that if you had a "bad" twin, I would go for him? Well I can answer that now, because you used to be good, you used to be good to me, but now you're not. I don't go for the "bad boys". Its just not me. Maybe we can be friends when she graduates, but I'm not sure. I miss the real you, but now I'm scared that the you I knew wasn't the real you, and the you I know now is the real you. I'm sorry things have turned out this way and its killed me inside. I am sorry. And by the way, I would still marry you.

Love always and forever,

SMP

MAV,
I don't have much to say to you, because things haven't changed between us. I guess I just wanted to explain why I told you I probly wouldn't see you again til the fall of my senior year. And I guess its a really stupid reason. I'm not cutting you away like I am your brother. And maybe I just wanted to tell you that I am in love with your brother, because whenever we talk about that sort of stuff I always wonder if you know, but I can't ask. Anyways thanks for putting up with me and being nice to me. Thanks for talking to me about weird stuff and letting me drive you crazy, and if I remember I will not let you dodge the poke or the hug.

Love ya like a brother,
SMP

Nothing More Than Friends

2009-02-23T06:02:00.000-08:00

Dear K,

You were the first person I saw on my 15th birthday that wasn't in my family. I was there when you got dumped by your first girlfriend, and you were there when I dumped my first boyfriend. I adore your brother and sister; you love my dog. You're honest with me but never mean. You help me with the guy we both know who's obsessed with me; I help you when your not-so-perfect year-and-a-half relationship gets rough. We must have sung "Somewhere Only We Know" together on Singstar a dozen times by now. We've seen each other in the worst states and the worst moods. You've seen me with no makeup; I've seen you with no gel in your hair. The first time we met, when we were really young, you told me girls couldn't hurt guys, so I kicked you in the shin and you cried. I've known you for nearly six years and we've been friends for that long. I wrote you a letter on a train that I don't know if you still remember. You kissed your girlfriend for the first time in my bedroom, but it wasn't me. I was there for you when your best friend got concussion and you were terrified; you were there for me when I sliced my hand open with a knife and then passed out from blood loss. I'm the girl but you've never seen me cry; you're the guy but I've seen you cry dozens of times. I remember your birthday better than my best friend's. I told you that you had girl eyelashes, so you tried to wreck my makeup. We played a duet for a Senior Citizens Dinner Dance, and in all the rehearsals we raced through the music so we could gossip about our friends. You volunteered to come over early and help with my dad's surprise party; I ask to come to your house when my dad's working late. My friends like you; I like your friends. We're best friends.

And I'm in love with you. I'm sorry. I know you're happy with your girlfriend - one of her friends told me she's thinking of breaking up with you, and I can't tell you, because it would break your heart, and anyway, she hates me. I love you so much. She doesn't value you. She doesn't appreciate your stunning kindness or your romantic streak or your sudden smile or your vulnerability or your absolutely beautiful eyes. I bet she couldn't tell you what colour your eyes are without looking, but I know. They are honey-coloured, with flecks of green around the pupil and copper at the edges. I love you so badly. Whenever I'm standing behind you I've got to walk away because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stop myself putting my arms around you from the back and holding you like I never want to let go. Your beautiful eyes are the last thing in my mind before I fall asleep. I love you so much. It's like that quote that everyone says. "I fell in love with our friendship." I can't imagine being without you. I want to be happy because you're in my life, but at the same time I feel like crying because you'll only ever be my friend. It is socially unacceptable for us to be together - and you don't want me anyway.

I love you. I'm sorry. I wish I was good enough to be someone you deserve.

Waiting

2009-02-09T06:18:00.001-08:00

Dear Children,

I love you more than life but sometimes I wish I would have waited. I'm not saying that I don't or didn't want you I just wanted you later in life. For a long time I felt like I missed a big chunk of my life having children so early. Sometimes I still feel that way. I hope that when you guys are grown I can finish pursuing my dreams and make something big of myself. But for now I will sit here and ponder the possibilities that lie ahead for all of us. I love you

Love,
Your parent

Back In Time

2009-02-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Parents,
I am not running away from one you or the life you built for me. I love you very much and hope that this will not hurt you to badly. It is nothing you have done or have not done that has made me decide to do this. I have been thinking about it a lot and feel as though I can not find out who I truly am with out experiencing other places and a place that has not bias of me when I arrive. I understand running away is not an answer to any problems, yet I feel as though I have to. I have to just get away and be spontaneous. I don't really know what I am running away from, its nothing or no one physical I guess it is just my self that I am running from, but its not really running from but maybe too me.
So tomorrow when I don't come home from school tomorrow don't worry I will be fine. I have saved up enough money to take care of myself while I go on this journey and I will not be gone for ever. I will come back in time, I am just uncertain of when that time will be. I packed my car with all the things I think I will need, feel free to do what you want with the rest. Give the dog a hug for me each night and sleep well, I don't want you to be sad I need this, understand that. I love you. I can get my GED when I come back or maybe where I end up. Junior year has been no fun anyway's. I will truly miss you and try to stay in touch when I am away.
I love you very much
Your youngest Daughter

Pooh and Honey

2009-01-27T09:42:00.000-08:00

To my honey

I wish I could show you how much I love you! I am scared to let you in that far. I hope you still love me when I finally come around to showing you. I have never loved anyone more than I love you, and I hope that I can actually get the nerve up to give you the ring in my pocket. I love you so much, thank you for being so patient with me this far.

From
Pooh

One Phone Call

2009-01-22T05:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Brian J.,
I am so sorry for what I did to you and the way I treated you. I was scared and young. Too young to realize what a good thing we had and could've had. I think about how different my life would be almost everyday if only I had called you. One simple call that would've changed my life forever. I truly am sorry. I never got to tell you that. My feelings for you were real, I never lied about that. You helped me become the woman I am today and you helped me discover things about myself that I never knew.

Thank you Brian,
I love you and I miss you.

Baby Sister

2009-01-12T11:13:00.001-08:00

Dear Baby Sister,

You mean the world to me and I miss you terribly. I wish you knew how sorry I am for everything that happened. This is so hard to fix. Just please tell me what you want. I'm doing everything I can, but I don't want to push you into this. Please just talk to me and be honest. I know it's hard and you're hurt, you don't have to forgive me right away. Just talk to me. I love you so much and it breaks my heart to our relationship like this. I know you want things to be better, I can tell by how you act. I can't do it all alone. Just cooperate, and I promise we'll make it all like it used to be. People used to be so jealous and say how perfect we were. Your friends still tell me that we're the cutest best friends/sisters ever. They're so right, don't leave me now girl! I'm leaving for college soon, and I don't think I can do it without you.

Love,Sissy

WS

2009-01-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

To my STBXOW,

I'm sorry to tell you that we can no longer be together. My W has discovered our A and asked me to write you this NC letter. From now on we are not able to speak, call, text, email, write or anything. It is officially over please do not contact me. My M means more to me than anything we have had or could ever have during our A. I want her to trust me again and she says that this is what it will take. I'm sorry if you hate me for this but this is how it has to be. I have made my resolution this year to be completely honest with my W, she deserves that much at the least. I hope the future treats you well.

the WS

This is a letter from a member at SI (Surviving Infidelity) For those of you who are not familiar with the abbreviations here is the link http://survivinginfidelity.com/library.asp

Short Supply

2008-12-30T06:08:00.000-08:00

Hey guys I know it's not me you want to see here, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not abandoning you here. Letters are in short supply right now, I'm guessing with the holiday season. Hopefully soon I will receive more letters!

2008-12-26T11:21:00.001-08:00

Maddie,

I hope you had a Merry X-mas with your mother. Maybe soon I can get the money to fly up and see you. I miss you so much and you are growing so fast. I feel like I am missing everything. I hope that you do not resent me for not being there enough. I did not want you and your mother to move but she said she had to. I do love you and I hope your mother has told you that. Maybe soon I can see you again.

Love You,
Daddy

I Failed You

2008-12-23T07:20:00.000-08:00

To my son,

I am soo sorry that I have failed you. I tried my best and still couldn't provide you with what you needed as a child. If I could go back and change things I would. I am so so so so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I know that you deserved so much more and I hope that you can do better by your family. You are a great man now and someday I hope we can have a good relationship again.

Your Dad

Best Friends

2008-12-20T13:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Best Friend,
Your still not talking to me, this is the longest ever in our 11 year friendship, that we have gone without talking and I am beginning to become scared. I am scared I will lose you, I am scared all our memories will someday mean nothing and I am scared that someday I will really need you and you won't bethere. I know i messed up that night. He should havenever come over, when I knew he liked you, but he toldme I was pretty, he showed an interest. I was naive and I fell for a guy I barely knew and went behind yourback. I thought it would be ok but that night was bad.You know most of it but I could never tell you whatreally happened. I want to forget that night and I know that it will always at least for awhile be a sorespot in our friendship. I hope you will talk to me again. I understand your going to want to bring this up and I understand how this hurt you. I wish you could see my side of it too and see how truly sorry I am. If I could take it all back I would.

Please I love you
Me

Oh Well

2008-12-19T17:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Selfish Husband of Mine,

I am going to find a job! I DO NOT want to sit at home all day. I am sick and tired of being a stay at home mother! I enjoy getting out of the house and working!

You don't know it yet, but I have an interview on Monday and another on Tuesday! I already have childcare arranged and budgeted costs. I am doing this with or without your support. If you don't like it too bad!

I have my degree and I know how to use it; and it's going to waste here!

Hopefully you will eventually come around, if not.... oh well!

I can't sit here anymore; I feel like I'm going crazy!

Deal With It,
PT

Invisible

2008-12-18T06:32:00.000-08:00

Dear XXXX,
I want you to know that, despite everything, you are still my friend. No matter what has happened, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how things might have ended, I still care. Maybe we don't talk anymore, or maybe we just don't talk about the right things. I want you to know that I still love you. Sometimes, I have watched you struggle, and wished that I could have done anything to make it easier for you. I've cried for you, and I've worried. I hope that the positive vibes I fervently sent your way helped somehow. Maybe it doesn't matter, but I still think positively on your behalf, even if you can't. But maybe I don't know how you're doing, or what you're been up to. I send my best wishes your way, just in case. I wish I was better, stronger. I wish I could have kept the promises I made to you. I wish I could say this directly to you.
Love,
You invisible friend

Home?

2008-12-17T06:14:00.000-08:00

To whoever,

Did I Mess Up?
Where am I?
And how did I get here? Not physically, no; but emotionally? Mentally? Religiously? Sexually?

I'm doing so many things and thinking of so many things I never have before. And it scares me. A lot. And yet, it excites me at the same time.

I've been Protestant for so long now. Well, for forever really. Yesterday I visited an LDS church. And I felt so at home. Is that really what God wants of me though???? How can I know? When will I know? I've done my research... and am just waiting for an answer from God.

I've alienated some of my friends... no, one of my friends. She used to be my best friend though. Then she changed, and so did I. Now I barely talk to her.

My boyfriend is amazing... most of the time. Sometimes I don't understand him, or wish he would change, but really... he's incredible. I can't believe I ever ended up with someone like him. This feeling of being 'in debt' to him though has also caused me to do things I probably shouldn't have. But I'm not really sure if I regret them. They were dumb, yes, but it felt right at the time....no, I don't regret them. They've become a part of who I am. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Where am I? And how did I get here? ...Help?

~Confused~

I Cant Wait for You

2008-12-16T05:18:00.002-08:00

Dear Ex Who Never Should Have Been An Ex,

I don’t know what I did to deserve to go from being your fiancée to your back up plan. I can’t believe that everything you told me about not changing or giving up on us turned out to be a lie. I can’t believe I have to resort to this to feel better since you won’t give me closure. There aren’t any answers, and I get that. But you’re such a jackass. “Someday, if it’s meant to be, we’ll be together.” What about every time you told me that I completed you? I understand that people change. You joined a frat, you want to hit it and quit it, and long distance wasn’t your thing even though you told me we should do it.

You don’t make me happy either. You think you’re the only one with needs. I’m a fucking good girlfriend. I would have made a damn good wife. You were my world, but when you changed your mind, you changed mine too. You think that I can sit around and be your backup? You think that can honestly happen? I’m going to get snatched up by someone who’s more of a man than you are. He’s going to treat me right. He won’t leave me hoping to find something that doesn’t exist.

I hate you. I love you. I miss you. I can’t get over you. You never initiate conversations with me, but when I tell you I can’t talk to you anymore, you decide we have to be friends. You’re just hurting me more. I miss you, but you’re not right for me anymore. You changed, and that’s why you broke up with me. Even though in my heart, I know you’ll come back to me someday, I’m not going to wait for you any longer.
I’ve had sex with two people since you left me. It’s been a month. In my attempt to fill the hole you left behind, I’ve made horrible choices. But even when I make good choices, I don’t feel any better.
There is someone else. I can’t seem to let myself be with him because it feels like cheating and because I hope you change your mind and come back to me. I was holding back from him because I was scared and waiting on you. I know you’ll realize your mistake sooner or later. But he makes me feel special. And he holds me the way you used to. But you’d rather play the field; never mind that we were engaged. Never mind that I spent all that money to come visit you. Never mind because you weren’t the one I needed.

Maybe you’re right; I love you more than you love me. Unfortunately, I can’t do this waiting, but I can’t move on. So I talk to you, and I hope that you’ll realize that I’m waiting right here, where you left me. So that you’ll love me again, and I won’t die alone.
So good luck, and when you’re ready to initiate a conversation with me, I may or may not kick you in the balls.

Sincerely,
Your Won’t Be Waiting Ex

All It Takes

2008-12-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

Dear BooBooBear,

I constantly write you letters you will never read. You know me so well that you could probably read everything they say just by looking at me. I love you with all my heart. I know that you are right for me, and I know I'm right for you. What worries me is what happened before we met. You were a complete slut. You slept with too many girls to count, and you're barely 18. You drank, you did drugs, and you slept around. I'm innocent compared to you. I barely drink, I barely ever do drugs, only weed, and I never really slept around. You're my fourth. I look at us and see how different we are. I see all the reasons why we shouldn't work out. I've cried so many times because I'm putting so much of myself into this, when I expect it to end in failure. My heart breaks when you remind me you still talk to your ex-fucc-buddies. They are the reason I don't trust you 100%. I want to trust you, I want to believe you. I can't stop thinking about our future together. How soon we can be together. You know I feel this way, but I don't think you realize how much it hurts me. I love you so much. I just wish you could show me you love me too. I wish you could leave the past in the past and not bring it up anymore. The more it comes up, the more I start to distrust you. I want to make this work, but I feel like I'll forever be in the shadow of your past. All those nameless faces that gave you pleasure that you didn't need. All those girls who were one night stands. Why should I believe that I'm different? Just because you say so. Sadly, for me, that's all it takes. Forever baby, you and me.

Love always,
Pookie

Guess My Secret

2008-12-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

Post Secret posted my secret today. When I seen it, I was floored. In that moment I cried again.

~*^*~

I Hate You

2008-12-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

Dear WNY,

I have never told someone I hated them. Not out of anger. But I do. I hate you. And I'm sorry for hating you. You are a horrible person. You will die in your parents house alone. You will never find someone else to love you. With that knowledge I can forgive you. But I will never love you. Not as a lover, not as a friend, not as a human being. Goodbye. I hate you.

- RNC

Quit You

2008-12-12T07:38:00.000-08:00

Mark,
Everytime I see you, look at you, I die a little inside. My heart breaks every time. It tears me apart to not know what your thinking about, or what you feel in your heart. I hate that every time I try to ask you, you somehow avoid the question, and the answer that I so long for, the answer that I need. Every day, I wonder what went wrong? Every day, I wonder why you broke up with me? You told me that I already knew why, and I don't. If I did, then why would I be asking you? If I already knew why, then why would I want to hear you say it? I'm at a point in my life, and in our relationship, because of what you did to me, because of how you made me feel, I want to beat the shit out of you. I want to tear you down, and make you feel like shit. I want to make you feel the exact same way you made me feel. The very same way I feel now. I know that I cant quit you. I know that I cant say no to you. You know that I cant quit you. You know that I cant say no to you. I know you take advantage of that. You know you take advantage of that. Every time you come over, every time we talk, it's just like we were still dating. I don't understand why we still can't be. You made me think, you made me BELIEVE that you wouldn't ever hurt me. Yet, you did. At a time when I needed you the most, you walked out on me, leaving me in the dark, without any answers. I told you even before we started dating that I was afraid to fall in love again, and that I didn't want to get hurt. Yet, you made it easy for me to love you. I, apparently made it easy for you to leave me. I cant figure out why either. I made dinner every night. I cleaned the house, and did laundry as soon as I came home from work. I was attentive to your every need. You wanted a cheese/meat/cracker platter, I made you a cheese/meat/cracker platter. You wanted a back massage, I gave you one. You wanted a quickie before church every sunday, I complied, making us late every time. You knew how much I hate being late to anywhere, for anything. Whatever is was that you wanted, you needed, I did for you, I got for you. EVERYTHING! You told me that you would never be able to find someone else like me, and that you made a big mistake losing me. So why is it that your not with me again? I want you to be with me. I was so happy with you. I enjoyed doing silly little things for you, like laying out your clothes for work in the morning, and waking you up with breakfast. I enjoyed doing everything that you asked me to do. It made me feel like I had a purpose, like there was a reason for my existence. Anyway, I still don't understand most of it, and I know you wont tell me. The only thing I want, is to have you back. I want to be happy again, and not have to hide my pain.

I still love you, no matter what. I have loved you for 8 years, even though we were only together for 3 months. I will keep loving you for years to come. Even still, if its not me you choose to spend the rest of your life with, I hope your happy in everything that you decide to do. Just remember me once in awhile is all I ask of you.

Back Stabber

2008-12-11T05:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Tyler,
You hurt me. I wish that bothered you. You make me hate myself because I put up with your sorry ass. First off, you have a girlfriend and you tell me you love ME. Yet, I am not a priority. I understand you don't want to be in a long distance relationship with me. I live in Ca and you live in NY. It wouldn't work. Plus, I met you on Post Secret, and even though you say you want to meet me, whose to say that won't change by October? When we talked on the phone for the first time, we talked for 5 hours. I was hoping you would promise me that even though I am handicapped and I need help with every day things, like putting my hair up and my shoes on etc. you would be there for me. Oh boy, was I wrong. You promised me if you were single by October that you would FUCK me.

And, for some reason I can't tell you how I really feel about this because I'm scared of losing you, so I will say it here:

FUCK YOU!

You will never see this, but it's out, so I'll just go back to letting you smash my face into the pavement.Thanks. A lot.

Love, Your second choice, Ashley

P.S. I love you too. Dickhead. Go fuck the person who fucked your best friends SIX times. She makes you happy, right?

Oh, and by the way, this whole time you've been texting my 'sister' you're texting me. At least I know you won't fuck her behind my back.

Regret

2008-12-10T05:12:00.000-08:00

My biggest regret is knowing that I could have a wonderful big sister who is a friend, not an enemy, if I had just taken the time to stop being such a fuck-up... And I could have had a great relationship with my mom earlier had I just been honest.

My secret is that when I fucked up the most in life I lied to my mom and told her I didn’t do it just so she’d help me out of the bind financially since I had to hire a lawyer. I felt so guilty about it that I straightened up and stopped doing drugs, stopped stealing, and stopped lying altogether.

I know she knows the truth… but I don’t think she wants to admit it… and I’m grateful that for one last time she looked the other way and helped me when I needed it the most. I think she would have helped me anyway… I know she would have. But I couldn’t stand the thought of the disappointed look on her face…

At least my biggest secret lead to my rehabilitation and eventually to a better relationship with my mom and to a great job and a great boyfriend… I never was a bad person… I just made bad decisions. I wish I could tell her… But our relationship is so much better now than it ever has been and I don’t think I can give that up just because I feel bad. I try every day to make it up to her and let her know how much I really appreciate her and how much she’s done for me. I love you, Mom.

Kyla

Waiting

2008-12-10T05:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Super A,

I love you. Yes, I love you. More than you will ever know. I've loved you for 16 years and when this is all over, i hope to god you're there waiting for me. As for me, i will wait for you forever.

-lmgt

Grow Up!

2008-12-09T04:57:00.000-08:00

Dear roommates,
I am so sick of you leaving our house a mess. You never clean up after yourselves, there are always dirty dishes in the sink, beer cans everywhere, weed and your pieces on our table, cigarette butts ashed into a cup of water on our kitchen table, our bathroom is a disaster, no one ever takes the trash out, and you leave things all over the house and expect people to clean up after you. I understand that one of you has a job and you don't have much time between that and school to clean up, but at least try to do your part. On top of that, be respectful of others when you live with people who don't enjoy your habits and know you are using communal space like an asshole. On top of that, stop being two-faced and being so nice to people to their face, and then talking about them behind their backs. We are in college, not middle school. GROW UP. I know what you say about me, both of you, and you don't realize it. If I am being cold, its because I don't like you and I don't fake to either. I think that you guys are secretly lovers and that's why you hate me because I am not into it. I know, crazy, but you guys weird me out. I really hope that you each find your own man and stop hanging on mine, or at least try because I am sick of seeing it. Oh, and I know you made out with him while I was abroad. He told me. Real nice, friend. I don't care how drunk you are, you know who your roommate is dating, and you know that there are many other guys around that you could have chosen form but you chose mine. Good work, you'll never find a man if you don't stop hanging all over someone everyone else's men. I am counting down the days until I move out and get my own place, and I hope that you can function in the dirt hole you will encompass next year.

Sincerely,
The girl 'that really sucks' and has an obnoxious laugh

Worth It All?

2008-12-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

Hey My Not Even Close To/Never Will Be/Wish With All My Heart You Where Boyfriend,

You drive me insane and I like you way more then I should. We only truly hang out every two weeks or so, but I see you almost everyday. Everytime I know you are working I run through a debate of whether or not I should go see you or at what time or how many times before it seems like I'm obsessing. The problem is that I am and I can't get over you. Until this weekend I hadn't hungout with you in a month since we slept together. I wish I could talk to you about that. I've talked to everyone else about it, even your "fiancee" but not you. You the one that I want to talk to you more then anyone. You ask the things that nobody else will ask, you make me laugh. You make me feel shy and insecure, but at the same time so beautiful and amazing. You make it so hard to get over you because I can't stay away from you. Everytime we have a conversation I want it to keep going, to never end. I imagine having conversations with you in my head all the time. Of having enough time to actually hangout with you and have a deep talk like we used to, before we did it.

I want to ask you if you truly love her or if you're just marrying her for the kids or just because you know that she couldn't function without you? If you do love her then I want to ask you why you did it? Why couldn't you just leave it alone? Never bring up the attraction between you and me? If you don't love her, then how can you give up your whole life to be with her? Commit to her when she isn't the one you want? Everything points to you not truly loving her, except for the fact that you are still with her. Why do you have to be married to her to be a friend and father to her children? If you truly loved her then why did you only ask her to marry you the day after she found out we slept together? Why not ask her before that, before you even met me? Why did you ask me out the first time we hung out? Why did you take it back when you found out she was pregnant? Why couldn't we have just dated anyways?
Why can't I let you go?

Loves,
(^I'm afraid that might be true^)
The One You Wanted/Can Have/Should Have And Deserve

PS(do you still want me?)

Letter To Self

2008-12-05T07:29:00.001-08:00

Dear Me,

While you may not be 19 anymore, you are just a beautiful as ever. You have matured in to a beautiful woman! Who cares what you wear, or what things you have. All that matters is that you are healthy, and relatively young. Don't let anyone bring you down. You have so much to give to the world, so don't hold back thinking that you can't make a difference. You can and will make a difference just believe in yourself. Remember to be more patient with strangers because everyone you meet is going through some type of battle. Love yourself more, and it will reflect on to others. Most of all remember who you are and never loose that!

You will succeed!

Wii Thank You

2008-12-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

Stranger,

I wish I knew your name. I just would like to thank you for helping me out on Black Friday. It really meant alot to me that you gave up the last Nintendo Wii. I'm sure karma will come back to you three fold. I couldn't afford the Wii without the discount, so thank you kind selfless stranger. I wish there was a way I could repay you.

Brooke
Janesville, Wisconson

Donor

2008-12-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Sperm Donor,

FUCK YOU!!!! I'm gone! You are nothing but a piece of shit!

-Me

For The Boys

2008-12-02T06:26:00.001-08:00

To My Incompetent Sister

I love you, but I love your children more. That is why I am getting a lawyer and going to get emergency custody of them. It is a damn shame that you are more worried about what your husband wants than what those boys need.

You and your husband are jobless, homeless, and burned all of your bridges. Don't forget that the hotel you are staying in right now is paid for by our father.

I talked to Dad and we are going to make sure those boys are taken care of. If you hate me forever; so be it. The most important thing right now is not what you want or think. Your boys are craving love, affection, and a stable place.

If you continue on the road you are on now, both of your boys will end up worse than your husband. Those children deserve better than the hand you have dealt them. Don't say that this is the hand God dealt you... he gave you free will, and you chose to use it poorly.

It brings me no great pleasure to do this, but it has to be done! I hope that someday you can understand that my love for those boys is what drives my decisions in this matter.

We offered to take the boys until the end of the school year, and let you figure out your life; I wish you would have let us take that route. Now we have to remove them forcefully, and that pains me.

We will give them back once you have a stable job and a stable home for them. We are not trying to take your boys forever. We are just trying to provide a good stable home for them .

Get your shit straight and you can have your boys back.

-Your Little Sister

P.S. I do love you

A Bullet For My Valentine

2008-12-01T06:06:00.000-08:00

My Not-Boyfriend Boyfriend,

You're driving me insane. I don't know why I'm doing this. You're not my boyfriend, and you never will be. I know it. In my heart, I know it. But I can't let you go, because you make me so happy---you make me feel so beautiful. And you know me better than anyone. You're my best friend, truly. Dad says that just because you don't show me how you feel the way I show how I feel, doesn't mean you feel less for me than I do for you. That I should be accepting of your own way of showing affection. And to a degree, I am. But sometimes, it feels like you really only care about me because I care about you. And that, lovely, is not acceptable. I know that. In my heart, I know that. But I still can't let you go. And that drives me almost as crazy as you do.

I love you so much, and I feel like you're using me just to feel loved. You wanted me to show you my body, and I did. Without regret, I did. And you wanted me to show you my heart, and I did. Without regret, I did. And you wanted me to show you my soul, and I did. Without regret, I did. But now you're asking to keep all those things while you give nothing in return---except an occasional phone call. Except for an occasional (more often lately) "I love you." Except for the little ways you do show me you care.

When you told me I was beautiful, you spoke with a tone of honesty in your voice, an honesty I could see in your gorgeous eyes, but I couldn't believe you. I couldn't. Because what if you leave? No. Not if. When. What about when you leave? You're going to go, and you won't have said much---you'll have made no promises, just as you wanted---but I won't remember that until long after in my struggle to get over you. Every day, I will remember the little things you did, and said. And they will torture me. And I will wonder how you could say all those things, and mean them, and not mean them enough to stay.

I know that, because they are what keep me here. Those little comments you make. Those little random ways you surprise me by showing me you care. And I know you care---I know you do. It's not that you don't care. It's not even that you don't care enough. It's that you don't show me enough.

And yet, if you did, I would run shaking scared. So, I guess what I'm asking for is not for you to show me more. It's for you to keep showing me.

I'm asking you not to give up on me---not to give up on us. We could beautiful together. We are beautiful together. Please don't give that up...no one will ever love you like I do. I promise.
I'd sacrifice this world to hold you.

- your not-girlfriend girlfriend

p.s. It would help a lot if you didn't just compliment my looks when you want to mess around, or while we're messing around. It means a lot then, too---but it would mean more if it didn't feel like...mmm. It would help a lot.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T11:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

I am going to visit my elderly grandfather for thanksgiving. I will not be near a computer so blogging will be halted until... Sunday.

Keep sending letters, I will get to them all. I am posting one a day unless I get too backlogged. If you have sent one in and have not yet seen it, just keep looking, it will eventually get posted; just a matter of when it was received.

I hope that everyone has a very safe and happy thanksgiving!

Thank You,
Housewife

Beginning of the End

2008-11-26T08:51:00.000-08:00

Dear XXX,
I don't think you love me---I think that you know that my love for you is unconditional, and because you continually lie to everyone around you about who you are (because of the religion you're forced to accept as your own) you need me. You need me right now because you can be yourself with me, and not worry that I'll ostracize you from my life. You need me because I see that you're beautiful, and amazing. You need me because I want you, and you know that that will never change.

But you don't love me. And your need is eventually going to pass; after you tell everyone the truth about who you are, and you learn to deal with the consequences. Maybe even before that happens---maybe when you go to college. Whenever you find someone else who wants to know you, and doesn't push you away for who you are at heart, that will be the end of us---that will be the end of me. And you're going to look back, years from now, and know that you never loved me. At most you'll be grateful for the way I was there; for all I've done for you. That's all.

And yet, that isn't enough for me to walk away. Because you need someone, and I love you more than anything---and I want to at least have that space in your life, if I can't have any other.

I will love you forever. It hurts knowing that the 'love' you give me, is the closest I'll ever get to the real thing. I stay for that, too

Anonymous

A Bunch Of Short Letters

2008-11-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Daddy,You're a Pastor.I'm an Agnostic.I've gotten high every day this week.And I'm sorry.Don't ever stop loving me, I'd die without you.
-Little One

Dear Mom,The world doesn't revolve around you.
-Your fat, selfish, accidental whore of a daughter

Dear Sister,You are my world.I will buy you food and clothes when Mom doesn't.Even if you're 30.I love you more than anything in this entire universe.
-Iggy

Dear Fuck Buddy,You treat me like your girlfriend.You are a HORRENDOUS person when you're drunk.(And I'm not the only one who thinks so.)Please grow up. You're pushing 30.It's time to let it go.
-Samanda

Dear Addict Ex-Boyfriend,
I don't love you anymore.I'm sorry you can't get over me.(Although, honestly, that makes me a little happy.)I will always care for you.Stop with the coke.Stop with the meth.You're killing yourself.
-Tiny Toes

Dear Me,
You are an amazing person.Stop being a doormat.I hate you for holding on to people that have no right to be in your life.I love you for trying to change them anyway.You're strong.You're beautiful.Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
-Yourself

Not Ready For Forever

2008-11-24T06:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Michael,

I'm sorry. I know you love me, and that you're ready for forever, But I'm not. Not with you. It never should have gotten this far, you were just a rebound after she left me this summer. Things were okay until you freaked over the scare, you should never have pressured me like that. If we had gotten pregnant you would have had to let me decide for myself.

I wish you would stop talking to me like I'm three, you think it's cute, but it makes me want to slap you. And leave my accent alone, It's not funny. I wish I could tell you that I'm cheating on you, and that she is more amazing then you could ever be. I wish I could tell you that lasting for 3 minutes isn't normal, and how sad it is that I haven't even had the time to fake an orgasm. But lastly, and most importantly, I wish I could tell you that I'm dumping you after christmas. I'll fake it some more so you don't have to be alone for the holidays. But I'm beginning to hate you, and love her.

I don't think I'll be cruel enough to tell you that I'm a lesbian.

Sincerely,
Your girlfriend.

With All My Love

2008-11-23T18:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Dad,
This letter is so hard for me to write. I don't even know where to begin. My hands are shaking, and I honestly don't know if I'll be able to find the words to say what I want to say.

This time last year, I watched your life spiral downward, and I was so scared for you. I was in denial that it was even happening, even though I would find the empty coke baggies all over the house. Subtlety was never your strong point. But I was stunned silent.

Until January 2nd. January 2nd, when I realized you were having a stroke, a part of me died inside. I felt so guilty, as if it was my fault for not telling you to stop sooner. Seeing you lying in the hospital bed crying, slurring the words "Amy, I'm so scared", tore me up inside. The fact that you don't remember anything from that night, or that week for that matter, haunts me.

Since that night, my life has never been the same. Watching you slowly learn to speak and walk again hurt me so badly. To see my once strong father having to have his diaper changed at the age of 50.....there are no words to describe it.

As you got sick, I was taking care of all the animals, the house, making sure the car got moved, the bills got paid, Holly was taken care of.....taking on as much responsibility as I did all at once almost broke me. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I contemplated suicide during your hospitalization. But I knew I had to be there for you.

A year later, a part of me is dead inside. The innocent little girl that looked up to her Daddy is gone. I still love you. So much. That will never change, and please don't think I hate you for that. Everybody has to grow up at some point. But I have begun to take on a new role in your life. I've taken on the role of your mother. The kind of mother who is always snooping, and checking in on her son to make sure he stays out of mischief. The nagging, bitter mother who doesn't know how to relax. I'm constantly paranoid about leaving your side, and what may possibly happen if I do.

But you're slowly but surely showing me that I might be able to step back a little bit and let you take care of yourself. A year clean and sober, and I've never been more proud of you in my entire life. I love you more than life itself, Dad. Your determination to get better, and the fact that you're speaking, walking, and driving normally is amazing to me. I was contemplating throwing you a party in celebration of your sobriety, but I'm not sure if you'd be too happy about me drawing attention to the fact that you had a problem to begin with. I just want you to realize how proud I am of you. Please take care of yourself, and know that you'll always have me.

With all my love,

Amy

I Lied And I'm Sorry

2008-11-20T06:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Cousin,

I lied to you yesterday on the phone. I did not go to the doctor and ask if I was a good candidate for surrogacy for you. I love my children and could not imagine getting pregnant and giving the baby away after bonding for nine months. I know that you desperatly want to have children and that I was the closest DNA match to you, but I just can't do it. That is asking too much of me. I didn't lie when I said that I want to see you happy and have babies; I really do want to see that. I just can't be the one to do it for you. I do love you, and I hope that this all works out for you soon.

Love,
Your lying cousin

Sabotage

2008-11-18T18:07:00.000-08:00

Garebear,
I sabotaged our relationship the day i found a lump on my breast. I did not want to put you through that.....The test results came back today, it was benign. I miss you :[
<3 wigglebutt

Dear Mr. Jesus

2008-11-17T10:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Jesus,
I just had to write to you
Something really scared me, when I saw it on the news
A story 'bout a little girl beaten black and blue
Jesus, thought I'd take this right to you

Dear Mr. Jesus, I don't understand
Why they took her mom and dad away
I know that they don't mean to hit with wild and angry hands
Tell them just how big they are I pray

Please don't let them hurt your children
We need love and shelter from the storm
Please don't let them hurt your children
Won't you keep us safe and warm

Dear Mr. Jesus, they say that she may die
Oh I hope the doctors stop the pain
I know that you could save her and take her up to the sky
So she would never have to hurt again

Please don't let them hurt your children..

Dear Mr. Jesus, please tell me what to do
And please don't tell my daddy
But my mommy hits me, too.
Please don't let them hurt your children...

This was the song that they played after every time he molested me and my two friends back in the 80's. Dear Mr. Jesus, why didn't you help me?

You Might Be The One

2008-11-16T12:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Brian,

I'm sorry to tell you this but I think you might be the one. The reason why I am sorry is because I'm only 22 and I don't feel like settling down. I have not been with many guys and I feel like if I settle down, I will never know what it felt like to be single. I'm contemplating if I will go through with this, but I think we may have to separate soon. If not and we continue to be together, I feel like I might commit adultery. Please don't hate me, because deep down I still love you.

love,
your gf

She Who Laughs Best

2008-11-14T13:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Lisa,
You are a dirty, dirty whore. I can not count the times that we all had the BEST laugh at your expense. Did you know that your husband will call me while you are out of the house and complain to me about you and the useless words that come out of the big gapping whole in your face? Also, are you aware of the fact that if I called Jeff today and told him I was moving back to Maryland so his daughter would be closer to him and his family...but only on the basis that you were NOWHERE around, you would be gone-forever? Did you know that for years after our divorce, Jeff asked me to start over with him and to give our family another chance...oh yeah, you were with him that whole time! Silly me, I almost forgot!
Any women that is blatantly mean to a child just because that child isn't her blood deserves to be ass raped-repeatedly. You are a poor excuse for a women and a waste of space. We would all be a lot better off if you would just die. You are replaceable and forgettable. I am not writing this because I am jealous or because I need to get something off my chest. You know as well as everyone else that these things I have mentioned are things I have told to you face-to-face in the past. My sister actually sent me a link to this website and I know once she reads my post we will, yet again, have the best laugh...at your expense. Fuck off Lisa, you're a stupid cunt.

Sincerely,
The one, the only, the original....
Mrs. M**i

You Have No Idea...

2008-11-12T10:29:00.000-08:00

My biggest regret....Letting him get away with it.

Mxxx,
You are so sexy, you have no idea. I love you. Those girls you waste time with are stupid for letting you go. I would never let you go, but you know that. You have no idea.

Anonymous

Ex Lover's Wife

2008-11-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

Ashton,

It is quite pitiful that you felt the need to go and screw another man that didn't belong to you. I truly do feel sorry for you. Your parents must have raised you to be a whore. I also pitty your son since you will never be sure who his real father is. You deserve the divorce you are going through, and it gives me great pleasure to see you in such pain. I hope you get crabs and are to embarrased to go to the doctor. Have fun getting divorced!

Your Ex Lover's Wife

F You

2008-11-10T13:01:00.000-08:00

Nicole,
I know I should be over this but I just wanted to tell you something real quick.I hope you didn't think that Justin and I weren't still having sex while he was with you....because we were.On our anniversary (ya know when you thought you were pregnant) we had sex that night, and many other nights besides that one.I only bring this up because I know you were the one leaving anonymous messages in my lj like a little chicken shit. So to you I say F you. I hope your kid gets taken away because you are a drunk, pill popping slut.
Ann

2008-11-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

Hey there,
I saw your blog recently and had to respond. I have a HUGE secret that is killing me and I have got to tell someone. First, I am a U.S. Marine. No secret there but I'm getting to it. Last year I agreed to sponsor an Iraqi refugee who had applied to come to the United States.She arrived in May of this year and has lived with me ever since. She is 22 years old, very, very intelligent, beautiful and so much fun to talk to. I am falling in love with her. There, I said it.
That felt so good!

Thanks for being there
U.S. Marine

Just Like Dad.

2008-11-10T10:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Dad,

I wanted to be just like you when I was a little boy. I watched you go to work, spend money, and have fun. I thought drinking all the time was normal. I'm all grown up and now and I am just like you. I realized that I was a stupid kid for wanting to be like you.

Your Alcoholic Son

2008-11-07T07:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Hubby,
I am so tired of arguing with you. I know that we are broke. I know that you want to go to your highschool reunion, but do not, I repeat DO NOT ask me to use the money from my child support account. That money is not for us. We both decided that we would use that money for the adoption attorney, not your pleasures! That is just wrong to even ask. You know better. Then you want to bitch and say that you just don't feel like using the money from savings because the bank would charge us for pulling out money more than 3 times in a month. Bitch please... you waste more than that in milkshakes for youself in a day.Also when I refuse to give you money that is not ours, don't sit there and tell me that we have enough money for you to go but not me. Fuck you! If I'm not going then neither are you! By what stretch of the imagination did you ever think that it would be alright?I think that I may have a better use for the money you are about to waste. Go and buy yourself a giant body condom. Ok, now put it on... Good there, now you are prepared for all the shit you are getting yourself into.I suggest you sit back and think about what you are doing here and make sure that you really want to throw gas on this fire. I can and will win so don't start with me.
Love,Your pissed off wife

Thanks For Not Killing Me

2008-11-06T18:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Mom,
When you got up from that table in the doctors office where you were awating an abortion, I know it must have been hard. You were pregnant and poor. I hope you are still happy with your decision; I know I am!

THANKS MOM!!!!!

Love,
Your Oldest Daughter

Letter to no one...

2008-10-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

Dear (Insert name here),

I am better at writing letters to people than I am actually telling them what is on my mind. I really enjoy writing letters, but never sending them. It seems therapeutic. My friends and family have no idea what I write. It is probably best that it stay that way. I am changing the mode of this blog, it will still be about questions and secrets... just I will be writing secret letters. I will still take questions and secrets from you though. I would like to say thank you to those who have sent me secrets. Most of them are quite life altering! Some things just make you ponder about reality perception.

Some of you may have noticed that my old posts are gone; I will be bringing them back in different format later. If you need anything... I'm just a message away.

Thanks For Reading,

HouseWife

Secretly... I love my husband.

2008-09-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

I really do!

Yesterday he took me out to lunch, and tells me that there is a new dress code at work. "It's mandatory starting tomorrow and they just told us about it last night." He says. "I don't have any steel toe shoes or navy blue dress pants and they are going to send me home if I don't get them." I told him to go to Walmart when he got off of work and get what he needed. He said he woudl go.

He didn't.

He came home after work and sent his boss a text message telling him he couldn't get the shoes because he would have to order them. *He does have a weird shoe size; 11 1/2 wide* His boss text him back "NO EXCEPTIONS!" *Dang it*

Off to walmart he went at 11pm. I went to bed.

I acted like I was mad at him for not going on his way home, but really I just wished for him to lay in bed beside me. He needed new shoes anyway.

We have our issues, but we love each other.

Reasons I love my husband:
He kisses me before he leaves for work...EVERYDAY!
He eats my cooking...even when I screwed up.
He compliments my features...even if I think they are flaws.
He loves my oldest daughter even though biologically she is not his.
He is always there when I really need him.
He does whatever it takes to make sure that this family has everything we need.
After being together for so long, he still calls me beautiful!
Last but not least...He loves me back!

I admit that I don't let him know just how much I love him. It's a fear I can't seem to get over. I'm worried that I'll get hurt. I guess you can say that I've been burned before.

Welcome

2008-09-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

This blog begins as a question to all of you...

What is your biggest regret?

If you have any questions or secrets you would like to ask or share with me please email me at questions.and.secrets@gmail.com. Otherwise feel free to comment or browse around.

My personal biggest regret is allowing myself to become so consumed in another person that I ignored my own basic needs.