Dear Teachers,
There is more to me then you care to see. You care to see the student,that is slightly annoying, lazy but not dumb, and average socially. Truth be told, you don't see me at all for who I really am. And honestly you don't even care to ask.Maybe I would lie. I would tell you what you want to here. I would repeat the socially appropriate answer and I would continue on with my day,so would you. But there are some of you that I want to stop meand ask me to tell the truth or ask me to tell you about myself; Who I really amWhat makes me the way I am.Maybe it would make the day more bearableI wouldn't have to sit in the parking lot and debate getting out or driving awayI would be able to identify one person in the building that cares about me. I would be able to open up to others knowing that I am supported and have some one to talk with.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Just Like You
Dear Jared,
There is so much to say to you. How I wish I could say it your face or even send this to you but what’s the point?? Since the moment we started talking you have been arrogant and stubborn. Yet two years ago that’s what I loved about you and as I’m writing this letter tonight it’s what I hate most about you. I don’t ever say hate but now that’s all I can think of when I think of you. It all started because tonight is the night I found out that you were engaged and tonight is the night my world came crashing to a halt. Six months ago when I found out you were dating her I was ok with it because in the back of my mind I was like people break up everyday they could end up breaking up and me and you could be back on track. I even became okay with the thought of us being friends and you having her as your girlfriend and even that was okay. But being engaged is a totally different story it hurts so much. As I was looking at the pictures of you two in such bliss it just hurt so bad because it should of been me. I was there before she was I was the one who called you and texted you everyday while you were in bootcamp. I was the one who sat at home worried waiting for emails or phone calls while you were in Iraq serving our country. I was the one who foolishly believed you when you said you would make me the happiest girl in the world when you came home safe and sound. I was the patient one for the first year of "us" who let you do your own thing yet always come back to me because you were scared. So really I was the one who was the idiot because I believed in you I believed in us. Then the second year came along and it was the year of Iraq and I was the faithful one I was the one who stood by you and counted down the days until you were home. Then you come home and nothing and then I find out you’re with her and I’m supposed to be understanding. I guess tonight is the night I realized that’s it’s officially over between us, what we had is now dead and buried. I wish I could say I wish you the best but that would be lying and I’m not a liar like you.
Ashley
There is so much to say to you. How I wish I could say it your face or even send this to you but what’s the point?? Since the moment we started talking you have been arrogant and stubborn. Yet two years ago that’s what I loved about you and as I’m writing this letter tonight it’s what I hate most about you. I don’t ever say hate but now that’s all I can think of when I think of you. It all started because tonight is the night I found out that you were engaged and tonight is the night my world came crashing to a halt. Six months ago when I found out you were dating her I was ok with it because in the back of my mind I was like people break up everyday they could end up breaking up and me and you could be back on track. I even became okay with the thought of us being friends and you having her as your girlfriend and even that was okay. But being engaged is a totally different story it hurts so much. As I was looking at the pictures of you two in such bliss it just hurt so bad because it should of been me. I was there before she was I was the one who called you and texted you everyday while you were in bootcamp. I was the one who sat at home worried waiting for emails or phone calls while you were in Iraq serving our country. I was the one who foolishly believed you when you said you would make me the happiest girl in the world when you came home safe and sound. I was the patient one for the first year of "us" who let you do your own thing yet always come back to me because you were scared. So really I was the one who was the idiot because I believed in you I believed in us. Then the second year came along and it was the year of Iraq and I was the faithful one I was the one who stood by you and counted down the days until you were home. Then you come home and nothing and then I find out you’re with her and I’m supposed to be understanding. I guess tonight is the night I realized that’s it’s officially over between us, what we had is now dead and buried. I wish I could say I wish you the best but that would be lying and I’m not a liar like you.
Ashley
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Let's Be Together
Dear You,
We have been best friends now for almost year. For the past 5 months of this friendship I have to admit I've been in love with you. Head over heels in love with you. You're the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to sleep. We talk almost everyday and it's killing me not to tell you that I love you in the way where I wanna be with you emotionally and physically. But I also think that you feel the same way too and all our mutual friends want us together. They are pulling for us, so why can't we just pull it together and be together?? I'm afraid if I make the first step and you really don't feel the same that I would be ruining our friendship and just having you in my life for the past year has made me a better person and I don't want to lose that. Yet though I think I should get it together and be honest with you because I don't want to lose you to someone else. I cant stand the thought of you holding someone else's hand at the movies like you hold mine or giving someone else those sad eyes when you want me to give in to a crazy plan of yours..So what I'm trying to say is lets be together it could possibly be the BEST thing you and I have ever done.....
I Love you always and forever,
Me
We have been best friends now for almost year. For the past 5 months of this friendship I have to admit I've been in love with you. Head over heels in love with you. You're the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to sleep. We talk almost everyday and it's killing me not to tell you that I love you in the way where I wanna be with you emotionally and physically. But I also think that you feel the same way too and all our mutual friends want us together. They are pulling for us, so why can't we just pull it together and be together?? I'm afraid if I make the first step and you really don't feel the same that I would be ruining our friendship and just having you in my life for the past year has made me a better person and I don't want to lose that. Yet though I think I should get it together and be honest with you because I don't want to lose you to someone else. I cant stand the thought of you holding someone else's hand at the movies like you hold mine or giving someone else those sad eyes when you want me to give in to a crazy plan of yours..So what I'm trying to say is lets be together it could possibly be the BEST thing you and I have ever done.....
I Love you always and forever,
Me
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Dear V Brothers:
SMV,
I am in love with you. I can't not be. I wish you loved me. I hate seeing you with her. And I was going to ask you to make a decision, I was going to make you choose, but then I realized that would be unfair. So I made the decision for you. We can't be friends while you two are going out, you've shown that to me. This hurts me way more than it could ever hurt you. I am doing this because I think she makes you happy. No matter what I say and do I want you to know that I still love you, I just can't take this anymore. Do you remember the time on the phone when you asked me if I would marry you? And I wouldn't answer, and you told me to because you knew what I would say, well what was the point of even asking, if you knew I would say yes? I know that people sometimes change, and you have, she has changed you. You aren't the boy that once convinced me he loved me. I feel like I don't know you anymore. I know you think you know all there is to know about girls and me in particular, but you don't, and I'm not like other girls, I thought you knew me, but you don't. And do you remember the time where you asked if I went for "bad boys" and I didn't know. And you tried to convince me that if you had a "bad" twin, I would go for him? Well I can answer that now, because you used to be good, you used to be good to me, but now you're not. I don't go for the "bad boys". Its just not me. Maybe we can be friends when she graduates, but I'm not sure. I miss the real you, but now I'm scared that the you I knew wasn't the real you, and the you I know now is the real you. I'm sorry things have turned out this way and its killed me inside. I am sorry. And by the way, I would still marry you.
Love always and forever,
SMP
MAV,
I don't have much to say to you, because things haven't changed between us. I guess I just wanted to explain why I told you I probly wouldn't see you again til the fall of my senior year. And I guess its a really stupid reason. I'm not cutting you away like I am your brother. And maybe I just wanted to tell you that I am in love with your brother, because whenever we talk about that sort of stuff I always wonder if you know, but I can't ask. Anyways thanks for putting up with me and being nice to me. Thanks for talking to me about weird stuff and letting me drive you crazy, and if I remember I will not let you dodge the poke or the hug.
I don't have much to say to you, because things haven't changed between us. I guess I just wanted to explain why I told you I probly wouldn't see you again til the fall of my senior year. And I guess its a really stupid reason. I'm not cutting you away like I am your brother. And maybe I just wanted to tell you that I am in love with your brother, because whenever we talk about that sort of stuff I always wonder if you know, but I can't ask. Anyways thanks for putting up with me and being nice to me. Thanks for talking to me about weird stuff and letting me drive you crazy, and if I remember I will not let you dodge the poke or the hug.
Love ya like a brother,
SMP
SMP
Monday, February 23, 2009
Nothing More Than Friends
Dear K,
You were the first person I saw on my 15th birthday that wasn't in my family. I was there when you got dumped by your first girlfriend, and you were there when I dumped my first boyfriend. I adore your brother and sister; you love my dog. You're honest with me but never mean. You help me with the guy we both know who's obsessed with me; I help you when your not-so-perfect year-and-a-half relationship gets rough. We must have sung "Somewhere Only We Know" together on Singstar a dozen times by now. We've seen each other in the worst states and the worst moods. You've seen me with no makeup; I've seen you with no gel in your hair. The first time we met, when we were really young, you told me girls couldn't hurt guys, so I kicked you in the shin and you cried. I've known you for nearly six years and we've been friends for that long. I wrote you a letter on a train that I don't know if you still remember. You kissed your girlfriend for the first time in my bedroom, but it wasn't me. I was there for you when your best friend got concussion and you were terrified; you were there for me when I sliced my hand open with a knife and then passed out from blood loss. I'm the girl but you've never seen me cry; you're the guy but I've seen you cry dozens of times. I remember your birthday better than my best friend's. I told you that you had girl eyelashes, so you tried to wreck my makeup. We played a duet for a Senior Citizens Dinner Dance, and in all the rehearsals we raced through the music so we could gossip about our friends. You volunteered to come over early and help with my dad's surprise party; I ask to come to your house when my dad's working late. My friends like you; I like your friends. We're best friends.
And I'm in love with you. I'm sorry. I know you're happy with your girlfriend - one of her friends told me she's thinking of breaking up with you, and I can't tell you, because it would break your heart, and anyway, she hates me. I love you so much. She doesn't value you. She doesn't appreciate your stunning kindness or your romantic streak or your sudden smile or your vulnerability or your absolutely beautiful eyes. I bet she couldn't tell you what colour your eyes are without looking, but I know. They are honey-coloured, with flecks of green around the pupil and copper at the edges. I love you so badly. Whenever I'm standing behind you I've got to walk away because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stop myself putting my arms around you from the back and holding you like I never want to let go. Your beautiful eyes are the last thing in my mind before I fall asleep. I love you so much. It's like that quote that everyone says. "I fell in love with our friendship." I can't imagine being without you. I want to be happy because you're in my life, but at the same time I feel like crying because you'll only ever be my friend. It is socially unacceptable for us to be together - and you don't want me anyway.
I love you. I'm sorry. I wish I was good enough to be someone you deserve.
You were the first person I saw on my 15th birthday that wasn't in my family. I was there when you got dumped by your first girlfriend, and you were there when I dumped my first boyfriend. I adore your brother and sister; you love my dog. You're honest with me but never mean. You help me with the guy we both know who's obsessed with me; I help you when your not-so-perfect year-and-a-half relationship gets rough. We must have sung "Somewhere Only We Know" together on Singstar a dozen times by now. We've seen each other in the worst states and the worst moods. You've seen me with no makeup; I've seen you with no gel in your hair. The first time we met, when we were really young, you told me girls couldn't hurt guys, so I kicked you in the shin and you cried. I've known you for nearly six years and we've been friends for that long. I wrote you a letter on a train that I don't know if you still remember. You kissed your girlfriend for the first time in my bedroom, but it wasn't me. I was there for you when your best friend got concussion and you were terrified; you were there for me when I sliced my hand open with a knife and then passed out from blood loss. I'm the girl but you've never seen me cry; you're the guy but I've seen you cry dozens of times. I remember your birthday better than my best friend's. I told you that you had girl eyelashes, so you tried to wreck my makeup. We played a duet for a Senior Citizens Dinner Dance, and in all the rehearsals we raced through the music so we could gossip about our friends. You volunteered to come over early and help with my dad's surprise party; I ask to come to your house when my dad's working late. My friends like you; I like your friends. We're best friends.
And I'm in love with you. I'm sorry. I know you're happy with your girlfriend - one of her friends told me she's thinking of breaking up with you, and I can't tell you, because it would break your heart, and anyway, she hates me. I love you so much. She doesn't value you. She doesn't appreciate your stunning kindness or your romantic streak or your sudden smile or your vulnerability or your absolutely beautiful eyes. I bet she couldn't tell you what colour your eyes are without looking, but I know. They are honey-coloured, with flecks of green around the pupil and copper at the edges. I love you so badly. Whenever I'm standing behind you I've got to walk away because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stop myself putting my arms around you from the back and holding you like I never want to let go. Your beautiful eyes are the last thing in my mind before I fall asleep. I love you so much. It's like that quote that everyone says. "I fell in love with our friendship." I can't imagine being without you. I want to be happy because you're in my life, but at the same time I feel like crying because you'll only ever be my friend. It is socially unacceptable for us to be together - and you don't want me anyway.
I love you. I'm sorry. I wish I was good enough to be someone you deserve.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Waiting
Dear Children,
I love you more than life but sometimes I wish I would have waited. I'm not saying that I don't or didn't want you I just wanted you later in life. For a long time I felt like I missed a big chunk of my life having children so early. Sometimes I still feel that way. I hope that when you guys are grown I can finish pursuing my dreams and make something big of myself. But for now I will sit here and ponder the possibilities that lie ahead for all of us. I love you
Love,
Your parent
I love you more than life but sometimes I wish I would have waited. I'm not saying that I don't or didn't want you I just wanted you later in life. For a long time I felt like I missed a big chunk of my life having children so early. Sometimes I still feel that way. I hope that when you guys are grown I can finish pursuing my dreams and make something big of myself. But for now I will sit here and ponder the possibilities that lie ahead for all of us. I love you
Love,
Your parent
Monday, February 2, 2009
Back In Time
Dear Parents,
I am not running away from one you or the life you built for me. I love you very much and hope that this will not hurt you to badly. It is nothing you have done or have not done that has made me decide to do this. I have been thinking about it a lot and feel as though I can not find out who I truly am with out experiencing other places and a place that has not bias of me when I arrive. I understand running away is not an answer to any problems, yet I feel as though I have to. I have to just get away and be spontaneous. I don't really know what I am running away from, its nothing or no one physical I guess it is just my self that I am running from, but its not really running from but maybe too me.
So tomorrow when I don't come home from school tomorrow don't worry I will be fine. I have saved up enough money to take care of myself while I go on this journey and I will not be gone for ever. I will come back in time, I am just uncertain of when that time will be. I packed my car with all the things I think I will need, feel free to do what you want with the rest. Give the dog a hug for me each night and sleep well, I don't want you to be sad I need this, understand that. I love you. I can get my GED when I come back or maybe where I end up. Junior year has been no fun anyway's. I will truly miss you and try to stay in touch when I am away.
I love you very much
Your youngest Daughter
I am not running away from one you or the life you built for me. I love you very much and hope that this will not hurt you to badly. It is nothing you have done or have not done that has made me decide to do this. I have been thinking about it a lot and feel as though I can not find out who I truly am with out experiencing other places and a place that has not bias of me when I arrive. I understand running away is not an answer to any problems, yet I feel as though I have to. I have to just get away and be spontaneous. I don't really know what I am running away from, its nothing or no one physical I guess it is just my self that I am running from, but its not really running from but maybe too me.
So tomorrow when I don't come home from school tomorrow don't worry I will be fine. I have saved up enough money to take care of myself while I go on this journey and I will not be gone for ever. I will come back in time, I am just uncertain of when that time will be. I packed my car with all the things I think I will need, feel free to do what you want with the rest. Give the dog a hug for me each night and sleep well, I don't want you to be sad I need this, understand that. I love you. I can get my GED when I come back or maybe where I end up. Junior year has been no fun anyway's. I will truly miss you and try to stay in touch when I am away.
I love you very much
Your youngest Daughter
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Pooh and Honey
To my honey
I wish I could show you how much I love you! I am scared to let you in that far. I hope you still love me when I finally come around to showing you. I have never loved anyone more than I love you, and I hope that I can actually get the nerve up to give you the ring in my pocket. I love you so much, thank you for being so patient with me this far.
From
Pooh
I wish I could show you how much I love you! I am scared to let you in that far. I hope you still love me when I finally come around to showing you. I have never loved anyone more than I love you, and I hope that I can actually get the nerve up to give you the ring in my pocket. I love you so much, thank you for being so patient with me this far.
From
Pooh
Thursday, January 22, 2009
One Phone Call
Dear Brian J.,
I am so sorry for what I did to you and the way I treated you. I was scared and young. Too young to realize what a good thing we had and could've had. I think about how different my life would be almost everyday if only I had called you. One simple call that would've changed my life forever. I truly am sorry. I never got to tell you that. My feelings for you were real, I never lied about that. You helped me become the woman I am today and you helped me discover things about myself that I never knew.
Thank you Brian,
I love you and I miss you.
I am so sorry for what I did to you and the way I treated you. I was scared and young. Too young to realize what a good thing we had and could've had. I think about how different my life would be almost everyday if only I had called you. One simple call that would've changed my life forever. I truly am sorry. I never got to tell you that. My feelings for you were real, I never lied about that. You helped me become the woman I am today and you helped me discover things about myself that I never knew.
Thank you Brian,
I love you and I miss you.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Baby Sister
Dear Baby Sister,
You mean the world to me and I miss you terribly. I wish you knew how sorry I am for everything that happened. This is so hard to fix. Just please tell me what you want. I'm doing everything I can, but I don't want to push you into this. Please just talk to me and be honest. I know it's hard and you're hurt, you don't have to forgive me right away. Just talk to me. I love you so much and it breaks my heart to our relationship like this. I know you want things to be better, I can tell by how you act. I can't do it all alone. Just cooperate, and I promise we'll make it all like it used to be. People used to be so jealous and say how perfect we were. Your friends still tell me that we're the cutest best friends/sisters ever. They're so right, don't leave me now girl! I'm leaving for college soon, and I don't think I can do it without you.
Love,Sissy
You mean the world to me and I miss you terribly. I wish you knew how sorry I am for everything that happened. This is so hard to fix. Just please tell me what you want. I'm doing everything I can, but I don't want to push you into this. Please just talk to me and be honest. I know it's hard and you're hurt, you don't have to forgive me right away. Just talk to me. I love you so much and it breaks my heart to our relationship like this. I know you want things to be better, I can tell by how you act. I can't do it all alone. Just cooperate, and I promise we'll make it all like it used to be. People used to be so jealous and say how perfect we were. Your friends still tell me that we're the cutest best friends/sisters ever. They're so right, don't leave me now girl! I'm leaving for college soon, and I don't think I can do it without you.
Love,Sissy
Monday, January 5, 2009
WS
To my STBXOW,
I'm sorry to tell you that we can no longer be together. My W has discovered our A and asked me to write you this NC letter. From now on we are not able to speak, call, text, email, write or anything. It is officially over please do not contact me. My M means more to me than anything we have had or could ever have during our A. I want her to trust me again and she says that this is what it will take. I'm sorry if you hate me for this but this is how it has to be. I have made my resolution this year to be completely honest with my W, she deserves that much at the least. I hope the future treats you well.
the WS
This is a letter from a member at SI (Surviving Infidelity) For those of you who are not familiar with the abbreviations here is the link http://survivinginfidelity.com/library.asp
I'm sorry to tell you that we can no longer be together. My W has discovered our A and asked me to write you this NC letter. From now on we are not able to speak, call, text, email, write or anything. It is officially over please do not contact me. My M means more to me than anything we have had or could ever have during our A. I want her to trust me again and she says that this is what it will take. I'm sorry if you hate me for this but this is how it has to be. I have made my resolution this year to be completely honest with my W, she deserves that much at the least. I hope the future treats you well.
the WS
This is a letter from a member at SI (Surviving Infidelity) For those of you who are not familiar with the abbreviations here is the link http://survivinginfidelity.com/library.asp
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Short Supply
Hey guys I know it's not me you want to see here, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not abandoning you here. Letters are in short supply right now, I'm guessing with the holiday season. Hopefully soon I will receive more letters!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Maddie,
I hope you had a Merry X-mas with your mother. Maybe soon I can get the money to fly up and see you. I miss you so much and you are growing so fast. I feel like I am missing everything. I hope that you do not resent me for not being there enough. I did not want you and your mother to move but she said she had to. I do love you and I hope your mother has told you that. Maybe soon I can see you again.
Love You,
Daddy
I hope you had a Merry X-mas with your mother. Maybe soon I can get the money to fly up and see you. I miss you so much and you are growing so fast. I feel like I am missing everything. I hope that you do not resent me for not being there enough. I did not want you and your mother to move but she said she had to. I do love you and I hope your mother has told you that. Maybe soon I can see you again.
Love You,
Daddy
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I Failed You
To my son,
I am soo sorry that I have failed you. I tried my best and still couldn't provide you with what you needed as a child. If I could go back and change things I would. I am so so so so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I know that you deserved so much more and I hope that you can do better by your family. You are a great man now and someday I hope we can have a good relationship again.
Your Dad
I am soo sorry that I have failed you. I tried my best and still couldn't provide you with what you needed as a child. If I could go back and change things I would. I am so so so so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I know that you deserved so much more and I hope that you can do better by your family. You are a great man now and someday I hope we can have a good relationship again.
Your Dad
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Best Friends
Dear Best Friend,
Your still not talking to me, this is the longest ever in our 11 year friendship, that we have gone without talking and I am beginning to become scared. I am scared I will lose you, I am scared all our memories will someday mean nothing and I am scared that someday I will really need you and you won't bethere. I know i messed up that night. He should havenever come over, when I knew he liked you, but he toldme I was pretty, he showed an interest. I was naive and I fell for a guy I barely knew and went behind yourback. I thought it would be ok but that night was bad.You know most of it but I could never tell you whatreally happened. I want to forget that night and I know that it will always at least for awhile be a sorespot in our friendship. I hope you will talk to me again. I understand your going to want to bring this up and I understand how this hurt you. I wish you could see my side of it too and see how truly sorry I am. If I could take it all back I would.
Please I love you
Me
Your still not talking to me, this is the longest ever in our 11 year friendship, that we have gone without talking and I am beginning to become scared. I am scared I will lose you, I am scared all our memories will someday mean nothing and I am scared that someday I will really need you and you won't bethere. I know i messed up that night. He should havenever come over, when I knew he liked you, but he toldme I was pretty, he showed an interest. I was naive and I fell for a guy I barely knew and went behind yourback. I thought it would be ok but that night was bad.You know most of it but I could never tell you whatreally happened. I want to forget that night and I know that it will always at least for awhile be a sorespot in our friendship. I hope you will talk to me again. I understand your going to want to bring this up and I understand how this hurt you. I wish you could see my side of it too and see how truly sorry I am. If I could take it all back I would.
Please I love you
Me
Friday, December 19, 2008
Oh Well
Dear Selfish Husband of Mine,
I am going to find a job! I DO NOT want to sit at home all day. I am sick and tired of being a stay at home mother! I enjoy getting out of the house and working!
You don't know it yet, but I have an interview on Monday and another on Tuesday! I already have childcare arranged and budgeted costs. I am doing this with or without your support. If you don't like it too bad!
I have my degree and I know how to use it; and it's going to waste here!
Hopefully you will eventually come around, if not.... oh well!
I can't sit here anymore; I feel like I'm going crazy!
Deal With It,
PT
I am going to find a job! I DO NOT want to sit at home all day. I am sick and tired of being a stay at home mother! I enjoy getting out of the house and working!
You don't know it yet, but I have an interview on Monday and another on Tuesday! I already have childcare arranged and budgeted costs. I am doing this with or without your support. If you don't like it too bad!
I have my degree and I know how to use it; and it's going to waste here!
Hopefully you will eventually come around, if not.... oh well!
I can't sit here anymore; I feel like I'm going crazy!
Deal With It,
PT
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Invisible
Dear XXXX,
I want you to know that, despite everything, you are still my friend. No matter what has happened, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how things might have ended, I still care. Maybe we don't talk anymore, or maybe we just don't talk about the right things. I want you to know that I still love you. Sometimes, I have watched you struggle, and wished that I could have done anything to make it easier for you. I've cried for you, and I've worried. I hope that the positive vibes I fervently sent your way helped somehow. Maybe it doesn't matter, but I still think positively on your behalf, even if you can't. But maybe I don't know how you're doing, or what you're been up to. I send my best wishes your way, just in case. I wish I was better, stronger. I wish I could have kept the promises I made to you. I wish I could say this directly to you.
Love,
You invisible friend
I want you to know that, despite everything, you are still my friend. No matter what has happened, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how things might have ended, I still care. Maybe we don't talk anymore, or maybe we just don't talk about the right things. I want you to know that I still love you. Sometimes, I have watched you struggle, and wished that I could have done anything to make it easier for you. I've cried for you, and I've worried. I hope that the positive vibes I fervently sent your way helped somehow. Maybe it doesn't matter, but I still think positively on your behalf, even if you can't. But maybe I don't know how you're doing, or what you're been up to. I send my best wishes your way, just in case. I wish I was better, stronger. I wish I could have kept the promises I made to you. I wish I could say this directly to you.
Love,
You invisible friend
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Home?
To whoever,
Did I Mess Up?
Where am I?
And how did I get here? Not physically, no; but emotionally? Mentally? Religiously? Sexually?
I'm doing so many things and thinking of so many things I never have before. And it scares me. A lot. And yet, it excites me at the same time.
I've been Protestant for so long now. Well, for forever really. Yesterday I visited an LDS church. And I felt so at home. Is that really what God wants of me though???? How can I know? When will I know? I've done my research... and am just waiting for an answer from God.
I've alienated some of my friends... no, one of my friends. She used to be my best friend though. Then she changed, and so did I. Now I barely talk to her.
My boyfriend is amazing... most of the time. Sometimes I don't understand him, or wish he would change, but really... he's incredible. I can't believe I ever ended up with someone like him. This feeling of being 'in debt' to him though has also caused me to do things I probably shouldn't have. But I'm not really sure if I regret them. They were dumb, yes, but it felt right at the time....no, I don't regret them. They've become a part of who I am. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Where am I? And how did I get here? ...Help?
~Confused~
Did I Mess Up?
Where am I?
And how did I get here? Not physically, no; but emotionally? Mentally? Religiously? Sexually?
I'm doing so many things and thinking of so many things I never have before. And it scares me. A lot. And yet, it excites me at the same time.
I've been Protestant for so long now. Well, for forever really. Yesterday I visited an LDS church. And I felt so at home. Is that really what God wants of me though???? How can I know? When will I know? I've done my research... and am just waiting for an answer from God.
I've alienated some of my friends... no, one of my friends. She used to be my best friend though. Then she changed, and so did I. Now I barely talk to her.
My boyfriend is amazing... most of the time. Sometimes I don't understand him, or wish he would change, but really... he's incredible. I can't believe I ever ended up with someone like him. This feeling of being 'in debt' to him though has also caused me to do things I probably shouldn't have. But I'm not really sure if I regret them. They were dumb, yes, but it felt right at the time....no, I don't regret them. They've become a part of who I am. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Where am I? And how did I get here? ...Help?
~Confused~
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I Cant Wait for You
Dear Ex Who Never Should Have Been An Ex,
I don’t know what I did to deserve to go from being your fiancée to your back up plan. I can’t believe that everything you told me about not changing or giving up on us turned out to be a lie. I can’t believe I have to resort to this to feel better since you won’t give me closure. There aren’t any answers, and I get that. But you’re such a jackass. “Someday, if it’s meant to be, we’ll be together.” What about every time you told me that I completed you? I understand that people change. You joined a frat, you want to hit it and quit it, and long distance wasn’t your thing even though you told me we should do it.
You don’t make me happy either. You think you’re the only one with needs. I’m a fucking good girlfriend. I would have made a damn good wife. You were my world, but when you changed your mind, you changed mine too. You think that I can sit around and be your backup? You think that can honestly happen? I’m going to get snatched up by someone who’s more of a man than you are. He’s going to treat me right. He won’t leave me hoping to find something that doesn’t exist.
I hate you. I love you. I miss you. I can’t get over you. You never initiate conversations with me, but when I tell you I can’t talk to you anymore, you decide we have to be friends. You’re just hurting me more. I miss you, but you’re not right for me anymore. You changed, and that’s why you broke up with me. Even though in my heart, I know you’ll come back to me someday, I’m not going to wait for you any longer.
I’ve had sex with two people since you left me. It’s been a month. In my attempt to fill the hole you left behind, I’ve made horrible choices. But even when I make good choices, I don’t feel any better.
There is someone else. I can’t seem to let myself be with him because it feels like cheating and because I hope you change your mind and come back to me. I was holding back from him because I was scared and waiting on you. I know you’ll realize your mistake sooner or later. But he makes me feel special. And he holds me the way you used to. But you’d rather play the field; never mind that we were engaged. Never mind that I spent all that money to come visit you. Never mind because you weren’t the one I needed.
Maybe you’re right; I love you more than you love me. Unfortunately, I can’t do this waiting, but I can’t move on. So I talk to you, and I hope that you’ll realize that I’m waiting right here, where you left me. So that you’ll love me again, and I won’t die alone.
So good luck, and when you’re ready to initiate a conversation with me, I may or may not kick you in the balls.
Sincerely,
Your Won’t Be Waiting Ex
I don’t know what I did to deserve to go from being your fiancée to your back up plan. I can’t believe that everything you told me about not changing or giving up on us turned out to be a lie. I can’t believe I have to resort to this to feel better since you won’t give me closure. There aren’t any answers, and I get that. But you’re such a jackass. “Someday, if it’s meant to be, we’ll be together.” What about every time you told me that I completed you? I understand that people change. You joined a frat, you want to hit it and quit it, and long distance wasn’t your thing even though you told me we should do it.
You don’t make me happy either. You think you’re the only one with needs. I’m a fucking good girlfriend. I would have made a damn good wife. You were my world, but when you changed your mind, you changed mine too. You think that I can sit around and be your backup? You think that can honestly happen? I’m going to get snatched up by someone who’s more of a man than you are. He’s going to treat me right. He won’t leave me hoping to find something that doesn’t exist.
I hate you. I love you. I miss you. I can’t get over you. You never initiate conversations with me, but when I tell you I can’t talk to you anymore, you decide we have to be friends. You’re just hurting me more. I miss you, but you’re not right for me anymore. You changed, and that’s why you broke up with me. Even though in my heart, I know you’ll come back to me someday, I’m not going to wait for you any longer.
I’ve had sex with two people since you left me. It’s been a month. In my attempt to fill the hole you left behind, I’ve made horrible choices. But even when I make good choices, I don’t feel any better.
There is someone else. I can’t seem to let myself be with him because it feels like cheating and because I hope you change your mind and come back to me. I was holding back from him because I was scared and waiting on you. I know you’ll realize your mistake sooner or later. But he makes me feel special. And he holds me the way you used to. But you’d rather play the field; never mind that we were engaged. Never mind that I spent all that money to come visit you. Never mind because you weren’t the one I needed.
Maybe you’re right; I love you more than you love me. Unfortunately, I can’t do this waiting, but I can’t move on. So I talk to you, and I hope that you’ll realize that I’m waiting right here, where you left me. So that you’ll love me again, and I won’t die alone.
So good luck, and when you’re ready to initiate a conversation with me, I may or may not kick you in the balls.
Sincerely,
Your Won’t Be Waiting Ex
Monday, December 15, 2008
All It Takes
Dear BooBooBear,
I constantly write you letters you will never read. You know me so well that you could probably read everything they say just by looking at me. I love you with all my heart. I know that you are right for me, and I know I'm right for you. What worries me is what happened before we met. You were a complete slut. You slept with too many girls to count, and you're barely 18. You drank, you did drugs, and you slept around. I'm innocent compared to you. I barely drink, I barely ever do drugs, only weed, and I never really slept around. You're my fourth. I look at us and see how different we are. I see all the reasons why we shouldn't work out. I've cried so many times because I'm putting so much of myself into this, when I expect it to end in failure. My heart breaks when you remind me you still talk to your ex-fucc-buddies. They are the reason I don't trust you 100%. I want to trust you, I want to believe you. I can't stop thinking about our future together. How soon we can be together. You know I feel this way, but I don't think you realize how much it hurts me. I love you so much. I just wish you could show me you love me too. I wish you could leave the past in the past and not bring it up anymore. The more it comes up, the more I start to distrust you. I want to make this work, but I feel like I'll forever be in the shadow of your past. All those nameless faces that gave you pleasure that you didn't need. All those girls who were one night stands. Why should I believe that I'm different? Just because you say so. Sadly, for me, that's all it takes. Forever baby, you and me.
Love always,
Pookie
I constantly write you letters you will never read. You know me so well that you could probably read everything they say just by looking at me. I love you with all my heart. I know that you are right for me, and I know I'm right for you. What worries me is what happened before we met. You were a complete slut. You slept with too many girls to count, and you're barely 18. You drank, you did drugs, and you slept around. I'm innocent compared to you. I barely drink, I barely ever do drugs, only weed, and I never really slept around. You're my fourth. I look at us and see how different we are. I see all the reasons why we shouldn't work out. I've cried so many times because I'm putting so much of myself into this, when I expect it to end in failure. My heart breaks when you remind me you still talk to your ex-fucc-buddies. They are the reason I don't trust you 100%. I want to trust you, I want to believe you. I can't stop thinking about our future together. How soon we can be together. You know I feel this way, but I don't think you realize how much it hurts me. I love you so much. I just wish you could show me you love me too. I wish you could leave the past in the past and not bring it up anymore. The more it comes up, the more I start to distrust you. I want to make this work, but I feel like I'll forever be in the shadow of your past. All those nameless faces that gave you pleasure that you didn't need. All those girls who were one night stands. Why should I believe that I'm different? Just because you say so. Sadly, for me, that's all it takes. Forever baby, you and me.
Love always,
Pookie
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