Quit You

Mark,
Everytime I see you, look at you, I die a little inside. My heart breaks every time. It tears me apart to not know what your thinking about, or what you feel in your heart. I hate that every time I try to ask you, you somehow avoid the question, and the answer that I so long for, the answer that I need. Every day, I wonder what went wrong? Every day, I wonder why you broke up with me? You told me that I already knew why, and I don't. If I did, then why would I be asking you? If I already knew why, then why would I want to hear you say it? I'm at a point in my life, and in our relationship, because of what you did to me, because of how you made me feel, I want to beat the shit out of you. I want to tear you down, and make you feel like shit. I want to make you feel the exact same way you made me feel. The very same way I feel now. I know that I cant quit you. I know that I cant say no to you. You know that I cant quit you. You know that I cant say no to you. I know you take advantage of that. You know you take advantage of that. Every time you come over, every time we talk, it's just like we were still dating. I don't understand why we still can't be. You made me think, you made me BELIEVE that you wouldn't ever hurt me. Yet, you did. At a time when I needed you the most, you walked out on me, leaving me in the dark, without any answers. I told you even before we started dating that I was afraid to fall in love again, and that I didn't want to get hurt. Yet, you made it easy for me to love you. I, apparently made it easy for you to leave me. I cant figure out why either. I made dinner every night. I cleaned the house, and did laundry as soon as I came home from work. I was attentive to your every need. You wanted a cheese/meat/cracker platter, I made you a cheese/meat/cracker platter. You wanted a back massage, I gave you one. You wanted a quickie before church every sunday, I complied, making us late every time. You knew how much I hate being late to anywhere, for anything. Whatever is was that you wanted, you needed, I did for you, I got for you. EVERYTHING! You told me that you would never be able to find someone else like me, and that you made a big mistake losing me. So why is it that your not with me again? I want you to be with me. I was so happy with you. I enjoyed doing silly little things for you, like laying out your clothes for work in the morning, and waking you up with breakfast. I enjoyed doing everything that you asked me to do. It made me feel like I had a purpose, like there was a reason for my existence. Anyway, I still don't understand most of it, and I know you wont tell me. The only thing I want, is to have you back. I want to be happy again, and not have to hide my pain.

I still love you, no matter what. I have loved you for 8 years, even though we were only together for 3 months. I will keep loving you for years to come. Even still, if its not me you choose to spend the rest of your life with, I hope your happy in everything that you decide to do. Just remember me once in awhile is all I ask of you.