Regret

My biggest regret is knowing that I could have a wonderful big sister who is a friend, not an enemy, if I had just taken the time to stop being such a fuck-up... And I could have had a great relationship with my mom earlier had I just been honest.

My secret is that when I fucked up the most in life I lied to my mom and told her I didn’t do it just so she’d help me out of the bind financially since I had to hire a lawyer. I felt so guilty about it that I straightened up and stopped doing drugs, stopped stealing, and stopped lying altogether.

I know she knows the truth… but I don’t think she wants to admit it… and I’m grateful that for one last time she looked the other way and helped me when I needed it the most. I think she would have helped me anyway… I know she would have. But I couldn’t stand the thought of the disappointed look on her face…

At least my biggest secret lead to my rehabilitation and eventually to a better relationship with my mom and to a great job and a great boyfriend… I never was a bad person… I just made bad decisions. I wish I could tell her… But our relationship is so much better now than it ever has been and I don’t think I can give that up just because I feel bad. I try every day to make it up to her and let her know how much I really appreciate her and how much she’s done for me. I love you, Mom.


Kyla